Alias: “eeveeandditto”
AKA: “Eevee”
Legal Name:          - speaking it aloud prompted an elaborate and strong response from Nintendo, see         -Nintendo Incident dossier
Species: Alleged Human-Multi-Pokémon Hybrid (pending more accurate classification)
Gender: Assessment in progress, claims male when under duress
Estimated Age: Difficult to determine due to dual Pokémon gene splicing detected in DNA profile, presents similar to a human around age 25
Occupation: Claims to be a full-time Pokémon, however Financial Investigations disputes this
Work History: Officially no known history, subject claims “I’m working on it!”

Eevee, known operationally as “eeveeandditto,” presents as a person that prefers the prestige of being “a full-time Pokémon” over the inconvenience of employment, taxation, or anything else that requires one to remain pinned to ordinary reality for more than a few minutes. In reality they have cultivated an identity so unstable, theatrical, and aggressively self-authored that the surrounding facts seem to exist mainly to keep up appearances. The subject claims a place in the Pokémon order of things, though administrative records suggest this is less a vocation than a lifestyle choice supported by denial and sheer momentum. Whatever the original circumstances were, they clearly produced a person who treats classification as a nuisance and ambiguity as a primary residence. The result is a biography that reads like a redacted file written by someone who was trying to be mysterious, then accidentally became persistent. At approximately human age 25, the subject presents as someone old enough to know better and committed enough not to care.

The subject exhibits a pronounced preference for “hard mode” in all things, suggesting either a heroic disdain for convenience or a deeply suspicious relationship with any path that is merely functional. Their motivational structure appears to reward difficulty not only as a challenge, but as a kind of identity accessory: if it isn’t complicated, dramatic, or mildly exhausting, it may not count. This extends to personal ambition, where the subject seems drawn to experiences that are maximally elaborate and minimally obtainable, as though frustration itself were part of the point. Socially, the profile suggests a person who enjoys being underestimated, misread, or left to improvise, because it gives them room to turn ordinary circumstances into performances of competence. In short, this is someone who does not merely choose the difficult route; they appear to flirt with it, then act surprised when it reciprocates.

• Operates with a marked preference for inefficient methods, suggesting either deliberate contrarianism or a sincere belief that simplicity is for lesser organisms
• Uses inter-specific ambiguity tactically, maintaining a profile that keeps observers uncertain, overconfident, or quietly irritated
• Demonstrates a talent for turning minor tasks into prolonged demonstrations of resolve, especially when an easier option is plainly available
• Appears to take visible satisfaction in being difficult to categorize, manage, or predict, which is useful in small doses and exhausting in large ones
• Abnormal diet is a concern due to preference of using granola as a sandwich filling, one field agent has reportedly observed him trying to order a “crock meat sandwich” at a hospital deli, however this may be in error (verification on hold, field agent in question currently unavailable)

• Observed on multiple occasions having a borderline obsessive interest in plush objects, namely Pokémon, suggesting accute case of Plushophilia, however subject vehemently denies this
• Strongly denies ever “biting the pillow” though a dental analysis indicates this is blatantly false
• Believes committing the act of “Hoktua” and spitting on his monitor will immediately initiate a sexual encounter with whomever is nearby
• Highly unusual interest in Pokémon and Pokémon-like creatures with plus-sized posteriors

• Physical threat: Minimal
• Social distruption: Subjective - normally minimal but if left to own devices has been known to build structures neurotically
• Ally support: Effective
• Independent survival capability: Adequate, but supervision recommended